How To: Tell If Someone Is Attracted To You

Anyone over the age of 6 has experienced it: Laying eyes on someone that JUST HAS TO BE their soul-mate. You look at them and feel that immediate pang of attraction. Your heart skips a beat, your feet feel lighter, you quickly glance away so no-one sees you staring at them. Then your glance darts right back to them.

You decide to grow a backbone and walk over and maybe start a conversation. They look at you.. You play it coy and smile.. Surely, you two are meant to be, and he/she has a facebook that you can immediately begin to stalk, right?!?!? RIGHT?!?! Well here’s how to tell if that 30 second encounter has legitimacy to it..

  1. Pay close attention to their eyes: I have years of experience and training in reading body language and “Micro Expressions”, and I can say from experience that the eyes and the area around the eyes truly are the windows to the soul. Pay close attention to what they look at when you two make contact, and to how long they look at it. Do their eyes move all over your face, from feature to feature? Do they look at your lips? Does it seem as if their eyes opened up a little wider when they first looked at you? These are all signs of potential romantic interest. I say potential because every little clue must be taken in context of the situation/circumstances. What does that mean? If this person in question is a waiter, then giving you direct eye contact or gazing into your eyes may just be them being a good and receptive waiter. When reading body language you can’t go off of one piece of information to make any conclusion. That’s a surefire way to get it wrong. People look at things that interest  them or that they desire. We do it by habit. So if the object of your heart doesn’t give you any eye contact in return, or if their eyes are darting around at everything but you, then this is a sign that they don’t feel the sparks. But once again, take it in context. Are they in a hurry? Working? Distressed? Take in the environment you two are in to help you gauge the strength of  your observations.
  2. Look at their body: You may have already given them “elevator eyes” but this time, pay attention to how their body is oriented and to whom or what it is oriented towards. If upon walking towards them or up to them, they immediately face you, showing you their face and body full frontal and not at an angle, then this is a good sign. If they are angled away from you, or they shift to show you their side, then they have interest in something else right now. Even more true if they never turned in your direction at all. Look at their feet as well: what are they pointed towards? Any expert will tell you that our feet naturally and unconsciously forecast our intentions. If they turn to point at you, then this is good. If they turn to point at the door, then that’s where they’re heading. Women have a particularly habitual way of doing this, oftentimes while standing, and using their lead foot. Gay men tend to as well. Also, how open is their body. By this I mean, do they have an open inviting look to their body? Or is it closed off or restricted? We tend to show open body language like tilting the chin and/or face, showing the wrists, and spreading legs and/or arms when we are comfortable with the person we are talking to or interested in. We do the opposite with people we do not like or feel threatened by: our posture becomes rigid, our bodies stiff, we bring limbs closer to our bodies, and and we literally close our bodies.
  3. How close are they to you?: We naturally move closer to people we are attracted to. Some people out of nervous habit may not, but if given the opportunity by your proximity, they will at the very least stick around. They may even follow you, if only for a minute or two. When you walked over to the boy/girl of your dreams, did they move themselves closer to you? Did they rearrange themselves to maybe get a better look? It is also of note that in social settings, people who are shy (instead of moving closer to you) will draw attention to themselves to make you look at them. They may suddenly yell a friend’s name, they may raise their voice if they are in conversation with someone, they may drop something. Once again, take the signs in context of the environment. If you approach them and start conversation, do they move in closer? Very good, if they do. Now here’s a big indicator: are they mimicking you? Yes, literally. Our bodies naturally mimic the person we are speaking to when we are attracted to them, or in the very least comfortable with them. Opposite is true with people we don’t like.
  4. Preening: When we come into contact with someone we find attractive, or someone we want to impress, we do what is known as preening. We fix our hair, brush off our shirt (especially men), fix our clothes, and in general make ourselves look the very best we can. So if you spark a conversation by asking a question first, like “Do you know what the weather is supposed to do today?” pay attention to anything they are doing to make themselves look better.

That’s the basics of it. You’ll find out that the more you consciously pay attention to people’s body language, the more it will become second nature to you. The vast majority of our communication is done non-verbally, aka, body language. Better yet, the more you do it, the more accurate you will get, and the quicker you will be able to read people. Some of the clues I’ve outlined carry more “weight” than others, but they must still be taken in context of the environment. Don’t thin-slice your subject; remember that you’re looking at a big picture, not a small window. A good way of keeping track is to add 10 points to every positive body language read or “tell” that you got and subtract 10 for the opposite. Reach 100, and you’re good to go. With that, here are some tips and tricks.

Tips And Tricks:

  • Want a quick gauge to see if they mimic you? Get in a conversation with them and consciously cross your arms. Or if their arms are already crossed, put your hand on your hip. Cross your legs if seated. It doesn’t matter what you do, as long as you consciously put your limb in a natural position and keep it there for at least a minute. Did they just do the same thing? Good. Now double check and change it again. What do they do? If they don’t change with you, take half the points away for the 10 you gave for the first time. Do it a 3rd if you have time. It’s fun to watch other people do this as well from a distance!
  • If you are talking to them, move your face just a little closer. Not much, though; think as if you are trying to hear what they are saying. Do they move in as well?(+10) Do they stay put?(+0) Do they move back?(-10) Also do this with your proximity to them: take a step closer, but don’t invade their personal space. Do they step closer? (+10) Stay put? (+0) Or step back? (-10)
  • If someone likes you, and they are confident or not shy, they may touch you. If they do, even something as subtle as a pat on the arm, then they are at least comfortable with you. We don’t touch people we don’t like, period. Want to test the waters? Touch them on the back of the arm, or touch their forearm as if to say “hey”. See how they react. If in the course of your encounter, they touch you back, then add 10 points. If they don’t return it, don’t add any. If they angle their body away from you or put distance between you afterwards, or exhibit any closed body language after the touch, subtract 10.
  • This is one of my personal favorites to look for: Are there any obstacles or objects between you two? Do they move them out of the way? Did they put them there? This can be as small as playing with a salt shaker while on a date, and keeping it in directly in front of them, and between you. Or better, holding something like a notebook in front of their chest in crossed arms. The point is that they are placing a barrier, no matter how small, between you and them. This doesn’t mean disaster, after all, they may be insecure, or have a lot on their mind, but it is definitely something that we all do unconsciously, and is therefore very universal (yet subtle). Do they clear obstacles we you two are communicating? Move things out of the way? Clear a path to you? Good!
  • Finally, here’s a flirty yet shy way to test the waters, which I find particularly fun: Look at them and wait for them to look at you. When they do, immediately look down, wait a second, then look back at them. Are they still looking at you? Good. Now smile and look away again, maybe to the side, and keep your gaze off of them for 3 seconds. Now look back at them. Are they still looking at you? If they aren’t, keep looking at them and see how long it takes for them to look back. Less than 3 seconds? Good. Now smile again, and look away for at least a minute. During this entire exchange, you should be checking them out for signals. check out their body language. Have they moved closer to you, even for something stupid like to fake going to a water fountain? Gooood..

I will add to this article as I think of more, and as always feel free to ask about anything. Happy hunting!

 

How To: Date A Scorpio

So you think you’ve found that special guy or girl, done your obligatory research (facebook stalking) and found out that their birthday lies somewhere between October 23rd and November 21st? Then you REALLY need to read this. And if you’re already in a relationship with them? Read on, you’ll laugh at how much this will still apply.

First things first: I am speaking as a Scorpio myself, and there is one thing we want everyone to know: We want to know everything about you, (and we will) and you will know just enough about us to keep the relationship going. I won’t delve too much into the horoscope definitions that are given to scorpios; I will use experience both from my personality and that of many scorpio friends I have and have dated.

First, we want to know everything about you. No detail is too minute, nothing is trivial. We will spend hours, days, months, and even years digging up information on you. It rarely ever ends for us: if it does, we are either convinced you are our soul-mate or we found something we didn’t like and relationship is dead. And if we are convinced that you are THE one? We’ll still scrutinize any new information we can get our hands on. Don’t be scared, and certainly don’t be insulted: we’re just natural investigators, and good investigators are never quick to trust ANYONE.

With that in mind, don’t try to hide anything from us. We will find out. I repeat, we WILL FIND OUT. So your options are either to tell us or let us find out. If you try to hide it, it will make us suspicious. You don’t want this. We are suspicious by nature, so when you give us a reason to be, the long winding road to gaining our trust gets a LOT longer. One of our mottos is that someone who has nothing to hide, doesn’t. But on that same token, we are very understanding and know how to take things in context. Just because there are pictures of you having drunk sex with a lawn gnome doesn’t mean we think less of you. We understand, even if you don’t yet.

We are not big talkers. If we are being really talkative, that means we are either drunk, or we are trying to get you to open up to us. We are much better at listening and making conversation through adding to it, not by creating it. We’ll ask questions and share our own experience to get you to talk, but anything more should not be expected at first. We don’t open up quickly. At all. With that, don’t ask us pointed or invasive questions. It will turn us off, make us build our walls higher, and will ensure you get aggressive questions in return. So unless you want us asking very pointed questions about that lawn gnome, don’t get too particular with your line of questioning. Best bet is to keep it playful and leading. We’re curious investigators first, so appeal to it: tease us with mystery, but keep it playful. Look at it as a cat and mouse game: we’re a cat in mouse clothing, so treat us as a mouse :-)

We like details! Whether its information or planning, we love the small things. Keep that in mind, because we will be looking at the small things during dates and during the relationship. That’s not ominous, nor is it a bad thing. You’re not under the microscope, but we are checking you out. And we are also checking out everyone who is checking you out. And everyone YOU are checking out. We tend to be pretty jealous people. Not fight the other person for you jealous, but key your car jealous. So once again, don’t rouse our suspicions, and everything will be ok!

What is important to us is VERY important to us, and what isn’t REALLY isn’t. Basically, if we made the effort to tell you or show you (and trust me it WAS AN EFFORT) how important something is to us, you would do very well to pay attention. If we say something really isn’t important to us then it may as well be dead to us. A general rule of thumb is that we either love something or hate it. We are either wild about it or despise it. That goes for people, things, places and actions.

Lastly, we are obsessive. Whatever gets our attention keeps our attention. If you have our attention, and it’s the good kind, then you’re halfway there. Just be yourself, because we are already expecting you to try to “impress” us. The true way to impress us is to not try to. Don’t give us empty compliments;  we already know what we are and aren’t, and we always look for the motive behind actions, especially compliments. So instead of dishing out the obligatory “you look nice” comments, try a genuine “I like that dress/shirt/outfit on you” It’ll mean a lot more, and you’ll get more points with sincerity than fake-ness. If it’s not sincere, don’t insult us by saying it because that’s exactly how we’ll take it.

That’s us in a small nutshell; if there’s anything I’m missing or forgot, (and I can already think of 4 things) comment and let me know! I’ll add and update as I remember, and give credit to those who bring it up. Good luck on your adventure!

How To: Live With People You Don’t Like…

We’ve all been there at some point in our lives: being forced to spend time with someone we’d much rather like to see only when under the influence of alcohol. That one (or more) person in you life that you want so badly to hold their head under water…  And doesn’t life just always have a fucked up way of making sure that at some point in our lives we have to LIVE with one of those mother fuckers? Well, if you’re anything like me, that has happened to you SEVERAL times, hell, you might even be doing it now! So, here’s how you avoid assault/homicide/arson charges until things change.

  1. Identify what drives that prick: Since you are living with them, you should have a good idea of what is important to them and what isn’t; do they like organization and order? Do they hate cats? Can’t miss their favorite soap opera? Determine what they hold dear, what annoys them, embarrasses them, their pet peeves.. Basically, learn what makes them who they are. It may feel like you’re pulling your own teeth out by devoting time to them, but it’s important, trust me.
  2. Determine what lines you can and CAN’T cross: This is obvious, but not so obvious. If this person is a roommate then clearly you have more options than say, your mom or in-laws. Or maybe you do? Everyone’s situation is different, and it deserves careful consideration. Is this person living with you a point of authority? Related? Although it is generally much better (and easier) to leave than it is to convince someone else to leave, that may not be an option. So find out what consequences you are willing to live with if you have to convince them to leave. What power do they have? And their friends? And their family?
  3. Try to make friends: People are funny creatures; sometimes when we get to know people better we find out why they’re such shitheads. In the course of getting to know your enemy, they may become a friend for the simple fact that you understand them. Don’t rule it out, and keep an open mind. Closed minds don’t learn, and remember, you get more bees with honey than vinegar. try to find things you have in common, and importantly, ask them questions. Not invasion questions like, “So why is you mom in prison, again?” but more general ones that allow them to talk about themselves. It’s like hostage negotiation: keep them talking. If that doesn’t work, and you find out you are dealing with a hardened breed of asshole then..
  4. Avoid them: Can’t be friends? Can’t even be amicable? Next best is to just avoid their asses. Take 5 minutes to think about what times they come and go. Think about their usual schedule. Then, find something better to do while they are awake or in your area. If you can, stay away from places they like. Think of them as a shitty kitty that doesn’t like ANYONE. Just steer clear of that beast until living circumstances change. if you cross paths, don’t speak, use one word answers and avoid eye contact. Make them feel like they are nothing more than a lamp in the room; nothing to be noticed or even acknowledged. Exercise, meet up with friends, find new ones, go have sex, go drinking, do whatever to get you away from shitty kitty. If that is too much, or your schedule won’t allow it then…
  5. Convince them to find greener pastures: Unfortunately, this is not an option for everyone, in particular, people for whom “shitty kitty” is mom or dad. I’ll make a separate article on that, ’cause that’s a whole different animal. But if the dick you are dealing with is a mere roommate or the like, then you may very well be able to get them to see that your relationship is healthier at a distance. Think of all the things you learned about them earlier and use them. Push their buttons in subtle, annoying ways AND NOT in obvious and open ways. That’s important. Many assholes get stubborn when they are confronted or feel as if someone is trying to push them out. So again, be subtle. You want to create a psychologically discomforting environment for them in your shared household. You want them to literally feel uneasy when thinking about coming to your dwelling. This is a powerful and sometimes difficult thing to do, as you have to walk the fine line between keeping them uneasy and pissing them off. (thus tipping your hand and revealing your plot) How to do this? Take a page from any experienced interrogator:

A: Keep them sleepy/tired

B: Keep them cold/hot (whichever one they aren’t used to or like)

C: Keep them hungry

If at all possible, do all of the above. Not only can this easily be subtle, but these things are some of the most psychologically          invasive and manipulative when used against someone. Play music, or turn on lights when they are asleep. Drop things to startle them awake. Move their keys to disorient them. Poke a hole in their favorite meals (or leave them out) so they spoil. Turn up the AC, or heat.  You get the picture. Do subtle things like this, and in a short amount of time, they will be looking for options out. Just make sure that option isn’t to get YOU out, and in short time, you’ll be free and clear of that douchebag!

Chick-Fil-A Says Donations Were “mischaracterized”

It was only yesterday that Chick-Fil-A made a declaration to no longer fund anti-marriage equality movements; now they are defending their previous actions, claiming that their donations were “mischaracterized”. This, coming in on the heels of an internal memo that was sent throughout Chick-Fil-A, promising to treat gay people “with honor, dignity and respect” and receiving a public flogging over their change in views. Many Christians felt disgust at the apparent shift towards equal treatment, and left comments such as “You caved” and “TOTAL SELL-OUTS!” on the company’s Facebook page. (To read more on that, visit the link at the end of the article.) In a press release issued by Chick-Fil-A, on their website, they state that:

“For many months now, Chick-fil-A’s corporate giving has been mischaracterized. And while our sincere intent has been to remain out of this political and social debate, events from Chicago this week have once again resulted in questions around our giving. For that reason, we want to provide some context and clarity around who we are, what we believe and our priorities in relation to corporate giving.”

They go on to state that their corporate objective is to be “responsible stewards of all that God has entrusted to us.” Although they do not clarify as to what “God” has entrusted them with, they do go on to state that they are focused on programs that “educate youth, strengthen families and enrich marriages, and support communities.” In the past, that has meant making multi-million dollar donations to groups and organizations that purposely impede equal civil rights and seek to demean and destroy any family that doesn’t meet their definition of a family.

In light of the promise to no longer donate to anti-equality groups, on Tuesday, Dan Cathy tweeted a picture from an anti-equality event called “WinShape Ride For the Family” which is ran by the WinShape Foundation which is operated by Chick-Fil-A. This is an organization that lobbies against marriage equality. Each person or couple must pay a registration fee of $3,500, but the sponsorship packages go up to $15,000, and all of the forms and publication sport the Chick-Fil-A logo and the WinShape name.

——————————————————–The Bottom Line———————————————————————————

So to sum things up, Chick-Fil-A’s promise to not fund anti-gay and anti-marriage equality groups is nothing more than a bullshit PR stunt to appease the protesters so that they can continue doing what they’ve been doing.

Chick-Fil-A article on the internal memo sent, courtesy of  The Advocate:  http://www.advocate.com/business/2012/09/20/chick-fil-releases-internal-memo-might-have-dug-deeper-hole

Chick-Fil-A’s press release:  http://www.chick-fil-a.com/Pressroom/Press-Releases#?release=who-we-are

Mitt Romney Diagnosed With Cartenosis

Mitt Romney may LOOK like he just stepped off his private jet, fresh from a trip to the Florida Keys, but if you look closely you’ll notice that only his face is a diseased shade of orange.  What we have found out is that Mitt Romney had been diagnosed with Cartenosis, which gives it’s sufferers a sickly orange tint to their skin. It is most often found in young children, vegetarians, and people who have an un-regulated volume of bullshit coming out of their mouth. (A closed mouth typically prevents such an occurrence)

He made his first public appearance (after having been diagnosed) on Univision, where he felt he could garner the Hispanic vote with his new darker skin shade. As of yet, there is no word on treatment options Romney is taking to combat his condition. Surely, he doesn’t want to stay dark for any longer than he has to, as he may lose support from his southern constituents.

Yet even while being stricken with a condition that makes him darker than he normally is, many are calling his struggle with darker skin a political move to garner the Hispanic vote. Surely, that is not the case, as we have NEVER known Mitt Romney to lie or deceive the public…. Especially about his taxes..

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