Minneapolis, Minnesota – Tuesday morning, former presidential hopeful Michelle Bachmann offered her condolences to the Americans that had to respond to the scene and witness the violence that occurred at a Sikh temple in Oak Park, Wisonsin.

“It was a very unfortunate incident and I’m just glad that no American lives were lost. My husband and I send out thoughts and prayers to the Americans that had to witness such a despicable thing,”

When told that all victims of the shooting were indeed Americans, and that the shooter was in fact a white male who led a Neo-Nazi band, Bachmann offered:

“American? I though the shooter was black?”

Meanwhile, her husband Marcus Bachmann, offered his own words of support:

“Acts of violence like this affect young men in a lot of different ways, and there really is no simple way of knowing what those affects are. That’s why I’m opening our home to any young men who where stressed by these events. You guys can come over to my house, and we can all sit in the basement and talk, hug, pray and just see where things go. It’ll be a guys only thing, a safe place where no women are allowed.”

-this article is satirical, and none of the above statements were actually made.-